im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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