I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
