He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
