How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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