You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
