tell your sister to shave her snatch
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
