I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
What a fucking waste of an outfit
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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