I've blown a few things in my day
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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