Please, let me fuck your mom
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
