My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
