my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
