I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You are a genius and a whore.
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