I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The best revenge is premature balding
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
