i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
