when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
