No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
