i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
