I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
