i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Houston, we have a blender
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
