Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
