terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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