Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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