You made me cry and you don't even care
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
