Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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