Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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