just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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