It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
