He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
