So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
