well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
