I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
