9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we're making bets on your personal life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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