There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
