I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
