Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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