I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
