I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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