This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
