I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
