Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
