you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
