He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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