did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
