i think i scared a bird with my dick
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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