It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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