How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
