i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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