i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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