From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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