what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
