Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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