NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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