yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
